My husband regulary cheats on me with a housekeeper. I thought it was for the best.
I got married when I was 18, and almost 23 years have passed from that day. During this time we experienced different things within the relationship with my husband. He went bankrupt several times and I was always there to support him no matter what. At one time, I was addicted to alcohol and he helped me overcame this.
Something it is clear now, I do not love him the way I did 20 years ago. And he does too. But we respect each other dearly. I respect him for earning money, and he respects me for the kind of sons I raised him. It is a stretch to call us husband and wife, but we like to think of it, more like two parents running a company called family.
Anyway, that was what I thought until now.
It was maybe about 2 years ago when an unpleasant situation happened. I was driving the kid to the kindergarten, and about a few kilometers down the road, the child realized he had left his special teddy bear back at home.
The boy started yelling so loudly, that I had no choice other to come back home looking for the toy. By the way, thank god the kid stayed in the car because what I saw when I entered the house would have destroyed him.
I quietly went up the stairs and went into my son's room, I saw one housekeeper kneeling before my husband. That's when it hit me, now everything was so clear. I'm glad they didn't have the chance to start anything this time. He got all nervous and portrayed all the situation as he was punishing her for a poorly cleaned floor.
Even though it wasn't even a rag near them, I decided to let it slide. In the end, I was running late, and the baby was inside the vehicle, so I grabbed the teddy bear and went out.
It was of course an unpleasing thing to see, but I understood that he cannot only want me in his life, so I pretended I didn't know anything and started to take advantage of this for the sake of the family. I decided to run some blood tests on the housekeeper to make sure she is healthy and disease-free because I knew it was better to let my husband cheat on me with a housekeeper than with some prostitute on a motel.
He wasn't dumb, my husband knew that I knew everything. We've been married for a long time, and we know each other perfectly. I even allowed him to sleep with our housekeeper, I couldn't compete with her young and beautiful Dominican body.
The only person I told about this was my mom. No wonder she hated him and said that we needed a divorce. Unfortunately, after a year of that "undercover" relationship, my husband started to behave like a reliable partner and stopped hiding it.
At first, he started to flirt with her in front of me, and I acted like I didn't care because I didn't. But yesterday, he was out of himself and grabbed the housekeeper's butt in front of me and our eldest son. My husband felt like he was a master and had power over the situation.
Even though I don't care who he sleeps with or how and when he does it, I certainly can't let it slide the fact that he disrespected me in front of the children. But again, as I said before, we have always supported each other through thick and thin, and maybe this is one of those times, right?
I don't know what to do. How can I explain this to my kids? What should I do with the housekeeper? Can anybody help me to face this situation in the best possible way? Should I just get divorced or try to go to a therapist? I'm confused...
Many women tend to go through things like this and take this same attitude thinking that it will be the best for the family when certainly it’s not. Every woman who is currently facing a situation like this must think: what is the best for me and what is the best for my kids? Of course, this marriage has turned in a very toxic relationship where the wife’s self-esteem is nonexistence and where the kids are seeing a very bad role model for their future relationships.
Both husband and wife should talk about and define what they want, if they have the desire to keep going or if they rather separate. There is nothing good about staying in a relationship where respect and love don’t exist anymore. Actually, this would be the best for the kids: to see how their parents have self-love and how they can resolve problems in a very calm way. Of course, it would be good for every member of the family to see a therapist, this will help to keep their minds and emotions healthy.
And remember, is better to be alone than in a toxic and futureless relationship.